The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
