Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
