I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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