i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
