Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
