It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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