A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
