Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
