dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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