why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
