Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
