Swine flu is the new snow day.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
