Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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