Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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