If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
