you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
