What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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