I'm pants shitting drunk right now
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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