dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
