in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
