pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize