I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize