I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
