i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just invented taco cereal.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize