I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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