I think im going to throw up on grandma
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
