I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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