Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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