I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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