Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
