I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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