You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
