I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
