when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
