sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
