Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Even my vagina gasped.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
