How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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