3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize