is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm getting married
To pizza
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
