I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
