He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
