Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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