My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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