i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
