Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
