Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
