i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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