I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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