Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
