Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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