Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
