I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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