I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
