I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
