Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
