At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
