have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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