I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
