i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
